reading back our msn history.

& i realise it was me who made all these shit happened.

i made uu tired of me.

my fucked up attitude.

why cant i give in to uu more?

why cant i talked to uu nicely?

why cant i fucking understand that uu are only a 18years old boii who need to learn how to treat gurl right?

if i did not talk to uu like that, things wouldn't have faded.

why am i so fucking stupid to understand all these fucked shit?

i screwed the relationship up myself.

i screwed something i really love myself.

is all my fault.

im really really sorry.

i cant talk to uu now.

i cant care for uu.

i dunno how are uu doing there.

i wanna noe, i wanna care, i wanna love,

but ii cant.

because uu rejected me, totally.

i hate myself.

i hate myself.

i fucking hate myself.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 4:28 AM

tu ran hen xiang ni.

wonder if uu are feeling the same way as ii am.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 5:26 PM

i wanna learn putt putt soon <3 (:

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 10:54 PM

looking back at the pass memories, compare it with now, is just fucking insane pain.

why did things change so much?

sigh.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 8:21 PM

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 4:27 PM

& finally,

i got the entire clear picture of what is in your mind.
i don't care if what you tell your friends and what you told me isn't the same anymore.

1-2weeks time to patch, i don't think so.

the hurt that you gave me, was so harsh and pain that it covered all the happy memories that we once had.

or perhaps, i should say, it overtaken the love that you gave me.

i did not block you in facebook.

but i private it from every single one.

so don't think im trying to run away from things.

im facing every single shit that you are giving me, strongly.

is time i should open my heart for another someone to come into my life.

someone who i can love and care and get the same in return.

as for you, i don't deny that you will always have a special place in my heart.

i don't deny that i still love you.

but the hurt is just so unbearable.

god is now letting me have a taste of how Chris felt.

& i completely understand it.

you will only understand how i felt till you found someone who you really love in the future, but i seriously hope, the feeling that im going thru now wont applies on you.

please please take care.

& all the best in life.

is something that i realise, i did fulfill it.

it's just you.

what do you really want?

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 2:35 AM

is nearly 5am.

im feeling really exhausted but my brain just cant seems to rest.

wo bu ming bai, wei se me shuo bu ai jui bu ai?

what are the things that you need, that even if we are together, you cant do? cant get?

am i not giving uu the freedom that you always need?

im not expecting much from you, really.

i just hope you realise how much you really meant to me.

how much i need you in my life.

fate is in our own hand.

if you think you can, you can.

why is it so hard for you to open up your heart to see all these?

you had been treating me really cold.

or maybe this is your naturally reaction to me now.

wo hen xin ku ke shi wo zhen de bu xiang fang qi.

zai ai wo zhen de you ne me nan mar?

chen jing ai wo de na ge nan ren dao di zai na li?

wo hai zai shun zao.

wo hai zai ten dai.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 4:48 AM

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 4:47 AM

im leaving le.

take gud care of yourself today and tomorrow okies.

probably uu dont even nid to me tell uu anymore.

i love you.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 12:50 PM

wo hen tong ku. zhen de hen tong ku.

wo qiu qiu ni, hui tou kan yi xia wo men yi lu lai de ai, ke yi ma?

wo zhen de hen ai.

zhen de zhen de hen ai ni.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 10:05 PM

wo ken ben dou bu xiang fang kai,

ke shi wo mei you xuan zhe.

wo xi wang ni zhen de hui huai le.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 12:59 AM

overlooked his friend facebook comment yesterday.

asking "that time dunno who say he have no dunno what then want to dunno what then want to dunno what to dunno what what"

let me rephrase it better.

his statement should goes like this.

and his replied was"LOL zhen de shi leh lee xuan hui, wo mei you pian ni."

so all these while his just going according to my wish.

again and again i trusted him, he let me down.

you actually told your friends all these.

& me, telling ppl who are close to me that i want to turn back time.

im trying my best to turn back time.

how stupid am i.

i love you so deeply much, you just throw me aside.

all the hope, promises and wishes had now become a pool of shit.

can you at least spare a thought for me?

what am i exactly to you?

if this is what you wanted, i got no other choice but to fullfill it.

because all i ever wanted was you to be happy.

that's my mission, and im gonna make all your wishes comes true.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 1:00 PM

starting to blog again.

at least, i can throw all my feeling out, here. somewhere that i can talk to.

things hasn't been going very smoothly for me. or should i say, totally ain't smooth.

the almost 2years r/s that i build up, that i put all my hope into it, just vanish into thin air.

what else can i say?

probably i just ain't a girl that he wanted.

maybe, I'm just a passer by, who stop by each country, looking at how beautiful the place is, and leave with only memories left in my mind.

and finally i realise, LOVE isn't everything to you.

at least, it is, to me.

i don't wanna let go,

even if I'm feeling lots a pain now.

I'm giving everything that i have and what i don't have to gain every last chance.

i just want things to be back to how it was.

him to care and love me.

am i really asking too much?

i felt the gap, i felt the distance.

but I'm just shifting my attention away from all these.

he told me "i will hurt you in the future", but why would you if you continue loving me and put effort and hope in it?

age gap.

i don't feel any of it, so why are you feeling so?

no one, no one can understand what I'm going thru now.

smile? how long can i have this fake smile?

him?

how long can we survive this battle that we are going thru now?

all i can do now is pray to god, to let everything go back to how it used to be.

to let him realise that if there's a will, there's a way.

to let him realise that, i do love him. deeply lots.

someone, anyone, please give me an answer to all these.

i love you so deeply much, but do you? 9:12 PM